by Dena Patton

 

Telling the truth. We think we do it. We think we teach our kids to do it. We expect others to do it. Right? Well I had the privilege of hosting our annual women's retreat last October where we really dove into this subject and revealed that women don't actually tell the truth, when it comes to themselves. We are afraid of our truth, to tell the truth and to stand by our truths. You might be saying, forget YOU I tell the truth! For the most part, yes. But we are talking about your real truths, your belief systems and your authentic self. We hide them, move them, ignore them and don't even recognize them most of the time, but yet, when you can get realllllly clear on what your truths are and stand by them without apology, you will experience freedom and power on an amazing level. I've always been a self-expressed, bold kinda-girl, but that's not what I'm talking about. It's the fine line between being bold and being authentic, of saving myself and standing for myself, of having values and being my values. So I'll share a few of my truths with you in hopes you too will recognize your truths and share them without apology.

• If you don't think postpartum is real you should have met me in 2008. I had it for 12 months and it wasn't pretty! I've met so many women who went through it, and I believe it should be a regular conversation not a wacky concept that doesn't apply to many women, because it does!

• I'm clear that I've been put on the is planet for one purpose; to love and be loved and I do that through the platforms of my life. I believe that each one of us was made for ONE purpose: love/be loved. But what makes us unique are two things: our platforms (roles) and our gifts. My platforms are: mom, wife, coach, speaker and philanthropist and my gifts are encouragement and empowerment. As long as I have those three things (love, platforms and gifts) working together I'm in my power, my truth and my highest self. It's when I fall off that "love tri-angle" when life gets hard, full of struggles and confusing.

• I know the "Housewives" TV shows are good trash TV that sucks me in while I sip on a glass of wine, but I have to say those women make me crazy. If you are going to be that rich then better the planet instead of your lip line. Their negativity, vanity and gossiping are at levels I didn't know existed. I believe they need a healthy dose of life coaching and some charitable giving suggestions!

• My Christian faith is unshakable and has kept me alive and focused on serving God and bettering this planet in some small way. I believe that when our faith (whatever it is) is central to what, who and how we do things we stay on purpose and on path. It's when we think the two (our God and our life/career) are separate is when we get off track.

• Living without a parent sucks! For those of you who have lost a parent/s you know what I mean. It's been two years without my Mom and I know my life is so different than if she were to be here. It's just not the same. I believe that everything happens for a reason, but it doesn't take away the pain.

• The concept of women having to downplay our accomplishments is about to boil my blood. Men get acknowledged for their greatness and accomplishments, but there's a concept that women have to share what they have 'suffered through' first then (if at all) share their greatness. I've seen speakers do it, I've seen full time moms do it, it doesn't matter. We sometimes feel we have to make ourselves small to make others feel good. I believe, like Marianne Williamsons Poem, Our Greatest Fear, it's your light and greatness that we want to hear about, so try sharing that next time.

• I believe that the day women really become ONE will be a great day. Enough already with the negativity and gossip. Why can't we be more like lionesses who hunt, gather, raise kids and eat together in harmony?

• There are no substitutions for raising a child. I believe that it IS the hardest job in the world.

• When I can't relate to someones suffering/pain/frustration I now believe it's more authentic to say "I don't know what you are going through, or how painful it is, but I'm always here to listen/a shoulder to cry on". I truly can say that before my daughter I thought nothing of inviting my "mom friends" out and when they said, "I can't I have the kids that night" I found it strange that they couldn't get a sitter and come out. I didn't relate at all, but yet I felt compelled to say, "I understand". But yet, I couldn't understand the "need" to be with her kids, or the expense of the sitter or just that she was too tired to go out. I could never have until I had my own. It's one of those things you have to experience yourself, yet we are called as women to "always understand" even when we don't? So, consider next time being truthful and compassionate and admit that you don't understand and see what it opens up.

• If you choose not to have kids I applaud that courageous and authentic choice, and you certainly never have to apologize for that one!. Never apologize for something that is authentic to you, although it might be a hard/unpopular choice and people might judge you or fear your choice, let them that's their judgment/fear/stuff. I believe that the biggest win in that situation is that you were true to yourself.

• I believe that being an awake, aware and conscience parent is crucial in parenting today. Having a parenting style that you and your partner are IN agreement with will serve not only your parenting, but your marriage. I have a three year old who has rules, boundaries and clarity in the structure of our household. She knows what is important and what isn't. She knows what faith we are and what God we worship. She knows how she helps around the house. She know what she gets praised for and clear on what she gets punished for. She knows to respect authority or at least who is authority (most kids her age challenge this one big time!). She knows what ugly behavior is and what pretty behavior is (and what punishment/praise goes with which one). I have created the five-year-rule which is that you teach your child three basic behaviors that you want them to have in five years. So if you are someone who thinks teaching a 3,4,5, or 6 year old rules, boundaries, and consequences is too young, then just think WHAT it will be like teaching your 8,9,10 or 11 year old those things for the first time. EEEK! Don't get me wrong, I believe in lots of play and fun, but also coupled with these three; Rules teach them responsibility and order, boundaries teach them how to treat others and how they want to be treated and consequences teach them there is always a result of their behavior (good or bad). Those are three basic behaviors that you can start at age 3 and each year you will find your own way to UP the lessons to keep it challenging for their age.
  

• Life is scary, marriage is scary, being a mom is scary and building a business is scary. I have huge doubts in myself especially when I have to do something new or in my weakness (like admin work, or do 10 steps to achieve one thing, or a new marriage challenge). But I believe that it is my strengths that will carry me further than my weaknesses, and I don't have to hide my shortcomings or weaknesses. Instead I have found that the more I know and embrace them the more I can ask for help and delegate them! Ohhh what a lesson:)

• I also believe that our truths are evolving and it takes practice knowing them and becoming them. For me it takes daily practice and daily reminders (which is why prayer, meditation and me time are important!) I fall off the love tri-angle wagon plenty of days, but my objective is to get back on as soon as possible and to stay on as long as I can.