by Jenn Kaye
According to a CNN article, 52% of women ages 35 to 54 said their stress levels go up during the holidays. The typical American holiday season begins with Thanksgiving and continues through New Year's Day. While it brings a time of welcome community, it also tends to bring unwelcome guests, dizzying expectations and increased stress. Well no wonder! With the effort to pull off a perfect holiday, as women we often find ourselves facing double the demands - shopping, baking, cleaning, entertaining, trying to please in-laws, manage kids being home and out of school - while making it appear seamless, maintaining our relationship and having a good attitude, right?
The truth is, we often allow external influences to drive our internal behavior. Whether it's our parents telling us what we 'should' do to make the holidays right for everyone else, or commercials hawking the latest gifts and gadgets we MUST have. As long as we allow others to determine our experience of the holidays, the only possible result is stress. If, however, we reclaim our own definition of what the holidays mean to US, set appropriate boundaries and have clear communication in all our relationships, it becomes far simpler to create the holiday rituals and experience that actually decreases stress and allows us to enjoy the celebration.
Here are some practical tips to help you minimize the stress and maximize your relationships this holiday season:
1. Preconceived Ideas
Banish preconceived ideas of what you think the holiday season should be like. While this may sound difficult, it is actually very liberating. Reflect on your holiday traditions and separate the ones you actually enjoy from those you feel you "have" to do - because that's how you've always done it or have been expected by others to do so. What is actually important to YOU? This is YOUR holiday - claim it and make it your own.
2. Preconceived Feelings
It's also equally important to dump preconceived notions about how you should be feeling. It's ridiculous (and unrealistic) to expect to feel an increase in love, harmony, forgiveness and other compassionate thoughts when you're feeling stressed, overextended, unappreciated and downright tired.
3. Planning
Instead of saying "yes" automatically and committing to every social event or opportunity for responsibility presented to you, stop. Give yourself time to actually think about any proposed commitment or responsibility. Heck, tell them you need to check your calendar and will let them know. If they pressure you for an answer, simply say, "If you need an answer immediately, I'll have to decline the opportunity this year." Decide what works best for YOU.
4. Permission
Most of all, be gentle with yourself and give yourself permission to feel the way you feel and make the choices that work for you. It's not necessary to compare your actions or feelings with anyone else. Give yourself permission to be.
