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by Dena Patton
12/30/2008 17:34 pm
What does self-worth and self-esteem have to do with boundaries? A LOT!
Let's take any result that you want in your life, for example, to lose weight, or to start a new hobby, or to meet girlfriends once a week, or to meet a fabulous man, or join a club. If you want that 'result' consider that you'll have to first create a boundary to achieve it. One way of looking at boundaries is to consider it like the glass to a glass of milk. The 'thing' that holds it all together. Milk is a great goal, but you'll have a hard time getting there without a glass. So it's not enough to set a goal, you have to have a plan and a set of boundaries that will help you achieve that goal. If you poured the milk without the glass the milk would go everywhere, right? Well a goal, without a glass, will often do the same thing and go everywhere and sometimes right down the drain. We need that boundary to keep the goal in place, however, most of the time it's hard to set boundaries because our self-esteem and/or our self-worth is not at 100%. If your self-esteem is at 40% then you'll often create 40% boundaries, which won't do you much good because once you reach 40% of the goal you'll quit, you'll get resigned or something to that fact. If you have a hard time with goals and boundaries I encourage you to take a look at step 1 (self-worth) and step 2 (self-esteem) to help you out. This is the formula:
Let's take any result that you want in your life, for example, to lose weight, or to start a new hobby, or to meet girlfriends once a week, or to meet a fabulous man, or join a club. If you want that 'result' consider that you'll have to first create a boundary to achieve it. One way of looking at boundaries is to consider it like the glass to a glass of milk. The 'thing' that holds it all together. Milk is a great goal, but you'll have a hard time getting there without a glass. So it's not enough to set a goal, you have to have a plan and a set of boundaries that will help you achieve that goal. If you poured the milk without the glass the milk would go everywhere, right? Well a goal, without a glass, will often do the same thing and go everywhere and sometimes right down the drain. We need that boundary to keep the goal in place, however, most of the time it's hard to set boundaries because our self-esteem and/or our self-worth is not at 100%. If your self-esteem is at 40% then you'll often create 40% boundaries, which won't do you much good because once you reach 40% of the goal you'll quit, you'll get resigned or something to that fact. If you have a hard time with goals and boundaries I encourage you to take a look at step 1 (self-worth) and step 2 (self-esteem) to help you out. This is the formula:
Self worth....feeds....Self esteem....which creates....healthy boundaries....which helps achieve....goals!
These are not scientific definitions-just my version of how I teach this concept:
These are not scientific definitions-just my version of how I teach this concept:
Self-worth: the knowingness in your heart that you have value and purpose just how you are and just how you aren't.
Self-esteem: the inner voice in your head that builds you up and encourages your greatness and ignores your smallness (that annoying voice that tells you that you aren't enough or that you can't do it-that's your smallness-ignore it!) At all times you are either listening to your greatness or your smallness, you choose!
Healthy Boundaries: The structures, requests, and actions that you are putting in place to achieve a goal (whether the goal is more time alone, exercise, date night, new job or whatever). These boundaries must be upheld by you at all times, or else everyone else will abuse them too. Don't expect others to respect your wishes (boundaries) when you don't. i.e. If you say that you are going to create a boundary (get off early 3 times a week) so you can go to the gym then you need to stick by that and not accept the car pooling request, or drinks with the girls etc. When you create a boundary sometimes the universe will create a challenge, but resist it and keep the boundary intact! (the boundary is saying no to everything on those 3 days and going to the gym like you said. The goal is losing 10 pounds. Don't get them confused).
Goals: When your self-worth, self-esteem and boundaries are working together you will achieve your goal.
P.S. It's always good to tell people about your new boundaries and ask them to help you honor them so you can achieve your goal. That way everyone is playing the same 'game' and you'll have support verses resistance!
There are free downloads: a boundaries worksheet, a great to-do list organizer, a Gratefulness Journal and a Me Time Study all on Dena's bio page (bottom/right side of bio page). To get there just click on her name on this page/upper right. Dena Patton is a Life Coach, Speaker and CEO of Chat, Chew and Chocolate. She is writing her first book The Well-Balanced Superwomen. Info on her programs and coaching visit, www.TheBoundariesCoach.com.
Self-esteem: the inner voice in your head that builds you up and encourages your greatness and ignores your smallness (that annoying voice that tells you that you aren't enough or that you can't do it-that's your smallness-ignore it!) At all times you are either listening to your greatness or your smallness, you choose!
Healthy Boundaries: The structures, requests, and actions that you are putting in place to achieve a goal (whether the goal is more time alone, exercise, date night, new job or whatever). These boundaries must be upheld by you at all times, or else everyone else will abuse them too. Don't expect others to respect your wishes (boundaries) when you don't. i.e. If you say that you are going to create a boundary (get off early 3 times a week) so you can go to the gym then you need to stick by that and not accept the car pooling request, or drinks with the girls etc. When you create a boundary sometimes the universe will create a challenge, but resist it and keep the boundary intact! (the boundary is saying no to everything on those 3 days and going to the gym like you said. The goal is losing 10 pounds. Don't get them confused).
Goals: When your self-worth, self-esteem and boundaries are working together you will achieve your goal.
P.S. It's always good to tell people about your new boundaries and ask them to help you honor them so you can achieve your goal. That way everyone is playing the same 'game' and you'll have support verses resistance!
There are free downloads: a boundaries worksheet, a great to-do list organizer, a Gratefulness Journal and a Me Time Study all on Dena's bio page (bottom/right side of bio page). To get there just click on her name on this page/upper right. Dena Patton is a Life Coach, Speaker and CEO of Chat, Chew and Chocolate. She is writing her first book The Well-Balanced Superwomen. Info on her programs and coaching visit, www.TheBoundariesCoach.com.
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