by Jenn Kaye

 

Do you know that 40% of all communication is lost between the transmission of the sender and the receiver? With statistics like that is it any wonder that we suffer from miscommunication and misunderstanding?

Few individuals, especially women, are taught to communicate clearly what they mean. Women are often taught to compromise, to be a "nice girl", and are often expected to always do the right thing. We were taught to share our toys, not get upset and often stuff our emotions because, well, we were being too emotional.

Here's the deal. Your emotions are the foundation for letting you know how you feel about something. They are an indicator. Use them to your advantage to determine how you are experiencing a situation, circumstance or event so that you can say what you mean when you communicate.

Here's a 4-step process to help you Say What You Mean:

Identify What You Want:

Why is it important to be authentic and have credibility in your communications? Think about it. Do you feel powerful if you've done or said something just to be nice, even when you didn't really want to? Do you believe others when they tell you they don't mind (but you know they really do?

You are responsible for yourself, your feelings and your communications. Most of us are taught to identify what we don't want rather than what we do want. The next time you are trying to communicate why you need more balance in your life or why you are feeling frustrated, stressed or stuck, fill in the following: I want _____________________________.

The more honest and authentic you are with yourself, the more value you have and the more confidence you have to say what you mean.

Determine Why That Is Important to You

One of my clients was having difficulty communicating with her teenage daughter. Her daughter was going over to one of her friend's house every night of the week and my client was worried that she was getting into trouble. The problem was, what she said to her daughter was, "I don't like you hanging out with those friends of yours."

What her daughter heard was, "I don't trust you and I think you have terrible judgment in your choices."

That may sound dramatic, but we all have perceptions that affect how we hear information. The truth is they weren't communicating clearly. What my client really wanted was to know that her daughter was safe. It was important to her because she loved her daughter and wanted her to have a successful life.

Once you have identified clearly what you want, answer the following: It is important to me because _____________________________________.

When she took the time to actually communicate to her daughter that she just wanted her to be safe and why it was important to her, they were able to have an authentic conversation and clear up their previous misunderstanding.

Start identifying what you want and why it's important to you. In our next article we'll talk about the power behind putting those to work for you!