by Jenn Kaye

 

This Valentine's Day I taught a massage class for couples. In this class each couple learned how to connect with each other and communicate through the vehicle of touch. In less than 4 hours I watched couples who spent day after day in each other's presence, but had absolutely no connection with the other person rediscover the romance in their relationship.

It wasn't chocolate, flower or candy. It was the gift of quality time together and learning the language of touch that each person desired.

One woman was surprised because she liked a deeper pressure than her husband, even though he was easily twice her size. Another couple who run a business together and have a 2 year old son, discovered that they only expressed a fraction of their love for each other on a daily basis, and by having the opportunity to open up to the full amount of love that exists between them, they were able to recommit to finding that place on a more regular basis in their daily lives.

I asked what the class participants considered romantic and here are some of their interpretations:

"It's romantic when I come home and he has dinner made for me and the kids' homework is already done."

"I think it's romantic when she touches my arm and tells me she thinks I'm the most handsome man in the world. (Even though I'm 30 pounds overweight!")

"It's romantic for me when he just puts his arms around me and tells me everything is going to be okay."

"I really like it when she tells me what she likes. Not just in the bedroom, but when I say things that make her feel good or do something that helps her around the house, when she tells me she likes that, it makes me want to do more for her."

Did you notice that not one of those examples included sex? Not that sex isn't important. It is. It's just that sex and hallmark doesn't necessarily equate to romance.

It's time to redefine romance and get real about what intimacy is. How do you define romance? What is meaningful to you? How do you want to be loved and swept off your feet?