by Jenn Kaye
Have you ever heard words coming out of your mouth that made you stop and say, "Where did THAT come from?! That doesn't even sound like me!" We all do it. We swear we're not going to think the way our parents did and then we find that we've fallen into the trap of doing just that.
You see, most of us actually learned how to communicate by how our parents communicated to each other and how they communicated to us. Both verbally and non-verbally. So it's no wonder that we should find their words coming out of our mouths. And yet, we all have our own lives to lead. What worked for our parents, may or may not actually work for us. So it's up to us to decide who we truly want to be, and what we want to create in our lives.
As we move into the New Year, I'd like to ask: How is what you've been doing working for you? Are you feeling confident, healthy, joyful and happy? Are you feeling heavy in spirit, having doubts and filled with negative self-talk? What language are you speaking in your life?
There is great power in self-reflection, in that the more information we have about ourselves, the better choices we can make. You may question, "But if I think about myself doesn't that make me 'selfish'?" While many of us have heard that over the years from others, the truth is my friend THAT is an urban legend. In one of my workshops we did an exercise where one person had to pay attention and respond to the other's breathing cycle. That was it. During the exercise, one attendee made a brilliant observation and realized, "I can't pay attention to my partner's breathing ... if I don't pay attention to my own."
Paying attention to your own language is what allows you to connect with others. Here are 4 steps to identify what language you're speaking:
1. Get a sheet of paper and a pen and schedule about 15-20 minutes on your calendar. (To make this even more fun, grab a girlfriend and a glass of wine!)
2. Make a list of all the things you say frequently. (ie. "That's dumb," "I love that," "Why does this always happen to me," "I love my life," "I'm the luckiest mom/wife/person in the whole world," "There's never enough time," "I'm so blessed," "What is this world coming to," etc.)
3. Go back and read over each phrase. Ask yourself how you feel when you say them. Do you feel motivated, powerful and strong? Or do the words make you feel uncertain, tense and irritated? Put a star by the phrases/words that make you feel good. Put a checkmark by the words that don't.
4. Now count them up. Do you have more stars or more checkmarks? This is now providing you with valuable information as to the language you're speaking. Circle the phrases with stars. In Part II we'll address how you can start making your language work for you!
2009 All Rights Reserved, Jenn Kaye & Touch with Intention LLC
