by Dena Patton

 

Ask yourself this, how many times did I spend face-to-face time with my friends this month? Then ask, how many times did I text or email them? If you are a normal, busy woman you'll say that you had two or less face-to-face downtime interactions with your girlfriends. Which validates my opinion that the more technology comes into our lives the more we will need the friendship movement from Chat, Chew and Chocolate (CCC). I created CCC to bring back that crucial girlfriend time and me time that we need in our lives. Through meeting with women in our local CCC chapters we get loaded up with me time and friend time, and for some women it's the only time they get to enjoy it. When women feel supported, connected and empowered they are unstoppable and that's the mission of CCC. It's our monthly dose of 3 hours that are free from roles and responsibilities and filled with face-to-face time with fabulous women. Most of us have experienced isolation or feeling disconnected from our friends, and in many research studies they have proven that isolation from me time and friend time is a major source of stress, unhappiness and/or anxiety. I've pulled a few results from studies that show that me time and friend time are both healthy and crucial for our lives.

According to CNN's article on Friends enhances people's satisfaction with life: Women across all strata of society feel overwhelmed with the insatiable demands on them. When asked what they want they answered "peace and time". Princeton University's research found that that women socialize less than they did 40 years ago which plays into account for our rising dissatisfaction. Surveys show the number 1 complaint American women have is that they don't have enough time for themselves. Yet research proves being good to yourself is crucial to maintaining physical and emotional well-being, according to Alan Seibert, PhD.

Leading a balanced life means including your happiness, your well being, your friends and your 'me time' in your busy schedule. We are hard-wired to gather and to support each other, but it seems like life and technology are getting in the way of that. According to UCLA landmark Study On Friendship Among Women suggests friendships between women are special. They shape who we are and who we are yet to be. They soothe our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our marriage, and help us remember who we really are. By the way, they may do even more. Scientists now suspect that hanging out with our friends can actually counteract the kind of stomach-quivering stress most of us experience on a daily basis. A landmark UCLA study suggests that women respond to stress with a cascade of brain chemicals that cause us to make and maintain friendships with other women. It's a stunning find that has turned five decades of stress research---most of it on men---upside down. Until this study was published, scientists generally believed that when people experience stress, they trigger a hormonal cascade that revs the body to either stand and fight or flee as fast as possible, explains Laura Cousin Klein, Ph.D., now an Assistant Professor of Biobehavioral Health at Penn State University and one of the study's authors. It's an ancient survival mechanism left over from the time we were chased across the planet by saber-toothed tigers. Now the researchers suspect that women have a larger behavioral repertoire than just fight or flight; In fact, says Dr. Klein, it seems that when the hormone oxytocin is released as part of the stress responses in a woman, it buffers the fight or flight response and encourages her to tend children and gather with other women instead. When she actually engages in this tending or befriending, studies suggest that more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect. This calming response does not occur in men, says Dr. Klein, because testosterone---which men produce in high levels when they're under stress---seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen, she adds, seems to enhance it.

In the five years of running CCC I have hosted hundreds of events for thousands of women plus connected with thousands of our eclub online members, and my conclusions are the same as five years ago; 1) women need a support circle of other women 2) women need a regular break from roles and responsibilities to come back to center 3) as long as there is more technology than face-time, our relationships will suffer 4) women need to give themselves permission to have more me time, friend time and a self care plan so they can lead happy balanced lives.

Today, the noise levels in our heads are at an all time high. With invasive, 24/7 technology it's hard to uphold boundaries, instead we give in to late night texting and facebook updates. But what's at stake? Our well-being, our alone time, our friendships, and our relationships as we knew them? Cristin Norine is one journalist who took the experiment to reality. She decided to eat, sleep, cook and live in full view of a busy Portland street on the ground floor of a glass-front apartment for 30 days. During this time she will only have technology interactions. No more meeting friends for drinks or listening to live music or even fresh air. Instead Cristin is communicating through twitter and facebook updates and loads of texting, plus passerby's are leaving notes on the glass on their way to work. To me this experiment only proves that technology is important, and always will be, but it will never take the place of the human touch, a hug, a coffee with your best friend, dinner with your spouse, a family walk in the park or simply being alone in nature.

What boundaries are you willing to put on your technology knowing that your life, your friends, your family, your well-being are waiting for you?

Dena Patton is a Life/Business Coach. Her passion is to transform crazy-busy, overwhelmed women into well-balanced, focused, happy women. Dena's clients are; busy women, celebrities and entrepreneurs who want to continue living a full, successful life, but who are looking to do it with ease, fun, peace and balance. She is also the founder/CEO of Chat, Chew and Chocolate, which is dedicated to connect, inspire and empower busy women. To learn more about Dena's retreats and coaching visit, www.TheBoundariesCoach.com. Connect with her on Twitter @chatchew. Need help implementing Dena's articles in your life or business? Call her for one-on-one coaching.