by Jenn Kaye

 

We all want to feel loved. To know that no matter what happens in our life, there is someone there to hold steady and share the journey. One of the challenges we experience in relationships however, is that we tend to romanticize the person, the communication or the experience.

We start by creating an ideal picture in our mind of the perfect relationship. Thanks to Hollywood and Disney many of those pictures involve a man magically appearing, sweeping us off our feet and doing just about anything he can to keep us, always resulting in a happy ending. Then we meet someone who seems to fit that image so completely that we allow ourselves to be swept away with the intensity love, romance and passion. For awhile it feels GREAT and we surrender to the dream. And then ... little by little, we begin to notice subtle (or not so subtle) signs and signals that indicate perhaps our dream man has some reality to him as well. Maybe he snores, he doesn't return your calls, stops complimenting you or has less time to spend together.

At this point, reality simply begins to set in, which is the perfect opportunity for you to take a step back and re-evaluate. As Joe Friday used to say in the TV series Dragnet, "Just the facts, ma'am." Here is a simple exercise to help you clear your head and clarify what's real in your relationship, and what may be 'make believe.'

1. Take out a sheet of paper and draw a vertical line down the middle of the page.

2. On the left-hand side at the top, write the word "Fact." On the right-hand side at the top, write the word "Emotion."

3. Starting on the left, write down simply what he does or says. If he calls every night before he goes to bed at night or tells you he loves you before turning out the light, write it down. On the right, simply write down how that makes you feel. (ie. Loved, appreciated, important, supported, acknowledge, warm and fuzzy, irritated, etc.)

*Note: depending on your mood or what has been taking place in your relationship, you may find that you either start with the positive ... or negative things first. There is no right or wrong way to do this exercise. You are merely looking for information.

4. If you're in a dating situation and the first few weeks he phoned or texted you every day, write that down and how it made you feel. If now he rarely returns a call or text, write that down and how it makes you feel.

This exercise is simply designed to help you recognize and clarify what is really happening. Once you have clarity in what the facts are you can then make choices in how to communicate around them.

For more fabulous information on relationships and communication from Jenn, check out her website: www.lifeheadon.com