My husband and I have been married for eleven years. I'd be lying if I said that every second of every day was blissful. Like most couples, we have experienced ups and downs with the arrival of children, financial pressures, and career struggles. Through it all, our marriage and our connection to each other seemed to take a back seat. We needed to regain that connection for the sake of our marriage and our future.
A friend of mine recommended a book by Dr. Sue Johnson called "Hold Me Tight". I've read most of it and it has completely changed my idea about marriage and my role in it.
Dr. Johnson counsels couples in "Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy". She suggests that every married couple needs to recognize that we are emotionally attached to and dependent on our partners in much the same way that a child is dependent on a parent for nurturing, soothing and protection.
Her ideology is much the same as basic marriage etiquette. Partners should not be taken for granted. We need to soothe our partners when they are down, protect them when they're nervous or scared, nuture and support them when they are working hard and taking risks. But most couples don't prescribe to this behavior. Instead of being our partner's biggest fans, we criticize and assign blame.
Marriage is a partnership where both partners need to be present and accounted for. Both partners need to uplift each other instead of bring them down. At the end of a busy day, take the time to ask your partner what he/she did. Learn about your partner's profession so you can speak intelligently about it. If you need to make a big decision (especially concerning the children), consult one another. Compliment your partner often in a sincere manner. Keep in constant touch (which is something Dr. Johnson recommends). Keeping in touch suggests you care.
These recommendations aren't rocket science but you'd be surprised how many couples (including me) get so wrapped up in their day to day lives that they take their significant other for granted. Make this Valentine's Day count - recognize that you are emotionally attached to your partner and that your partner needs you to soothe, nurture and protect him. Then, start behaving in a way that shows you care.
