by Jenn Kaye

 

Communication is a part of our every day experience. With our family, friends, employers, clients and significant others in our lives. Few individuals, especially women, are taught to communicate clearly what they want. Women are often taught to compromise, to be a "nice girl," and are frequently expected to do the right thing.

Do you frequently find yourself trying to do the right thing that will make everyone in your life happy?

How's that working for you?

While it's natural to want to make sure people get what they need, often you give way too much of yourself to others. At the end of the day if you feel exhausted and depleted from giving so much of your energy away, then it's time to reclaim your vitality.

1. Start saying "NO," (or at least stop saying "yes" to everything right away.) When someone asks you if you can carpool the kids (even when it's not your day), instead of answering right away by saying, "Sure, no problem," STOP! Take a deep breathe, and practice the following, "You know, this time I can't. Check with me next time." Even if you really can, the practice of saying no will help you in the long run.

2. Many women confuse ASSERTIVE with AGGRESSIVE. An assertive woman sees things from another person's perspective, and not at the expense of her own needs. She knows what she wants, what's important to her and can state it confidently to others (even if others don't necessarily like it.) Aggressive is generally what happens when we've been too passive to begin with - it's a swing in the opposite direction and can come across as angry, bullying or just plain mean.

3. Stop letting other people control how you feel. Doing some spring cleaning can sometimes mean cleaning up our lives from friends who drain us. If you have friends that end up leaving you feeling drained (yes, even if you've known them for 20 years), stop calling them or returning their calls.

4. No one else will respect you or your time if you don't. Take the initiative to start training others the way YOU WANT to be treated. Need 10 minutes to yourself each night? Create your own 'Do Not Disturb' sign and tell the family that you're charging your batteries so you can be a better mom/parent/spouse, etc, and be joining them for dinner when you're done.

You can still be loving, compassionate and kind - just remember that your relationship with yourself is the most important one you have!