2009 is here, the slate is clean. Time to begin again, how exciting! But having a new little bundle in your life means Everything is New!!! And there are no instructions!
While having a baby is one of life's greatest miracles, knowing what to do and having the confidence to act on your commonsense and intuition is not always easy.
In the hospital you had the security of the doctors and nurses to guide you through those first few hours and days. But let's face it, the nurses bring your baby to you pre-swaddled with a ready-made bottle or a lactation specialist! If you're lucky, they may even have time to show you the how-to's. But once you get home, it's a different story. You never thought you could be so tired! And sometimes you're not even sure why you wanted to be a mother. Will you ever get the hang of this new job position?
Here are a few thoughts to help you master your new job:
When you first delivered your baby, no one talked about "bonding". Every new mother thinks it's just a given. You will instantly bond the minute you see your baby. At least that's what it looks like at the movies! For some moms, immediate bonding doesn't always happen-and that's okay. Please don't feel guilty if you don't have that maternal bond the second the baby comes out.
Remember, delivering a baby puts so much stress on your mind and body. It's like running ten marathons. Along with possible obstacles such as long or difficult labors, c-section recovery, nursing issues, possible lack of spousal support, or simply conflicting feelings of motherhood in general can get in the way of the bonding process. Not only are your hormones on overdrive, but your adrenaline is off the charts. With all these changes happening, it may take a couple of weeks to be comfortable with yourself, your new job and most of all your baby.
It doesn't mean you don't love your baby. And please, don't think you are a "bad" mother. We are all different and adjust in our own time. The Baby Bonding Book: 50 Ways to Connect with Your Infant by Victoria Loveland-Coen is a wonderful read to help you and your baby connect. Be patient, all mom's bond with their precious little bundles.
If, however, you feel depressed, don't be ashamed. Be pro-active and call your doctor. Two great books to help: This Isn't What I Expected: Overcoming Postpartum Depression by Karen Kleiman and Valerie Raskin and Down Came the Rain: My Journey Through Postpartum Depression by Brooke Shields.
Bonding may not be the only challenge you face. Your new little bundle now demands your time almost twenty-four hours a day. The baby monitor is attached to your hip. You haven't taken a shower in days and your shirt smells like spit-up. And what in the world are those grunting sounds your baby makes? You feel like you could jump out of your skin! Help! where are those baby instructions when you need them?
It may take a month or longer for you to recognize your baby's grunts, cries and breathing and know what they mean. Remember, this is all new for the both of you. Your baby doesn't know you've never done this before. Just be patient and try to relax. Your baby will pick up on your stress and both of you will be crying.
One of the most important tips to remember: when the baby naps, you nap too! The dishes, laundry, and bills will still be there when you wake up. There is nothing worse than sleep deprivation for new parents. It can make those small issues seem unmanageable. So Sleep when you can!
If you are lucky enough to have grandma in town and she offers to keep the baby for a few hours or even overnight, take her up on it. This is the greatest gift you can give yourself and grandma. A solid block of sleep will make the world look like a brighter place! This is not the time to be Supermom! And Grandmas can never get enough of their her grandbaby.
Relationship? What's that? Before the baby was born, your relationship with your husband was totally different. You just had each other and the freedom to do whatever you wanted without having to consider anyone else. Now ... what a change! During those first few months, most new parents don't have the energy to even think about going out, let alone talk about anything except the baby and what she does each minute of the day. It's all so exciting!
But don't forget each other as a couple. And try even harder not to take out your cranky, sleep deprivation moods on each other. Once you get to know your baby and what to expect, the daily schedule may change, but your relationship is still the same. You are still two people who are deeply in love.
It's so important to put the effort into doing couple activities. When the baby is sleeping, do something simple. Order take-out food, light candles, turn on some soothing music and sit together for an uninterrupted meal. It will do wonders to remind you of your love. Make couple-time a once a week priority no matter how tired you may be. A happy loving couple equals, happy loving parents.
Life is showering you with many wonderful new experiences. Enjoy each and every one of them. Soon they will just be happy memories! Happy New Year!
Blythe Lipman 2009
www.babyinstructions.com
